White's profileWhite_RosesPhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
January 26 Not So Strong, Not So InvincibleSo yes there is a lawyer but I can barely understand what he says to me. We have had 1 phone conversation that lasted 40 minutes. I have to pay for this!!!!! He emailed me 14 pages of stuff I have to fill out and it is all confusing. I had the house appraised on Tuesday morning and that should be in the mail within the next 10 days. It will go to my friends house. I was so scared that morning because the appraiser was coming between 9:45am and 10am and my husband came home at 9:30am for a few minutes. I was freaking out.
Feelings of dread during the days. I am so worried that this will take forever. Valentines day is less then 2 weeks away and I just know in my gut he is going to come up with a reason to not be here. He knows that I know about them and yet keeps denying everything. He knows I have the receipts from the gifts he bought her for xmas and denies there were receipts in his wallet. Yesterday I called him about something at 3:45pm and his tone was different. He spoke the way he does when there is someone with him but he said he was alone. I found out she was still there. They all work till 3pm but he works till 4:30pm. I know, I know, I know that I spend too much time with my mind on them and what I can do to end it but it consumes me. This man who comes home to me each night while spending whatever time he can with her at work. This man who sleeps in the same bed as me and is having sex with me far more then all the sex we have had in the past 10 years. Yes I know I should not be doing it but I almost feel a strange sense of power when it is happening. I would love to tape record it and hand it over to her to listen to. "See how deeply in love he is with you, you tramp". I so very much need to get out of here...get offf of this island. But, with no money to speak of....he is making less a year now then he was 4 years ago. I have no clue how to get away....no clue how to keep from going insane....no clue how to pay him back. Revenge....it is something I want. Revenge...it is something that a few people tell me is a waste of time because once he shows her his true colors...once they can be together all the time......they will split up. But, revenge is something I want to watch happen to him. I want to see him hurt like I am hurting. I want her to be shipped out to a different posting. I want my husband to love me but I can never trust him again and I know I need to not be married to him. Take the car and a few things and thanks for spending almost a total of 18 years of your life with me. What an ass.
And...I have lost 50 pounds. January 14 I am strong, I am invincibleI dear readers have a lawyer and the cheating jerk doesn't know it. I am planning to get him good. I am also planning to go to the detachment commander this week and have a chat with him about what is going on. Then I will pay her a short visit.
I am finding it amazingly comical how since I first mentioned to him that I have proof of his affair he has come home right after work and stays home all weekend. I even called him by her pet name for him the other day when he once again denied all. I had just told him to grow a set and just admit it. Funny thing happened while he sat there lying right to me. Something inside of me just switched off. I felt repulsed by him. I no longer feel even a teeny tiny drop of love, compassion or respect for him. That afternoon I applied for legal aid and the next day they called to say I had been aprooved. Friday morning they called back to let me know my lawyers name. They managed somehow to get me the best divorce lawyer on the mainland. I have booked the house appraiser...he will be on the island next week and cheater has no clue. I can hardly wait to see his face when he finds out I am not the pliable piece of clay he married. I feel strong now knowing that someone is on my side and here to help me. I don't want to rip him off....I simply want what is rightfully coming to me. He on the other hand wants me to leave with virtually nothing at all. This is going to be so sweet.
I told him that they deserve each other. He asked what I meant. I said "She knew you were married, a father and a grandfather....but then so did you....so you deserve each other". I also told him that in 6 months I will be fine and he will be hurting. Because...everything he finds so wonderful....everything about her right now that is so exciting...he will hate. I know my husband better then anyone. He will also never ever trust her...after all she messed around with a married man. What she doesn't know is his temper, his jealous rages, his mean and ugly side that he saves only for those he is supposed to care for.
So now that a lawyer is involved he can either do what has to be done the right way instead of the idiotic way he thinks things should be done or....he can hire his own lawyer and still have it end up the same.
I am woman. January 06 SoThis is how it is. After not blogging in such a long time I have finally decided to do something about it.
August
Hubby started acting strangely around the middle of the month. He turned 44 on the 13 and I had friends over for cake. His favorite, my white chocolate blueberry cheesecake. Hubby continued acting odd. I got suspicious as the turnover at the base had occurred and the new admin clerk was a 38 year old female.
September
I get a call from the gastro guy in Vancouver teling me that my long awaitwed appt. has been moved frm the 24th to the 15th. My birthday being the 16th. I spend 1 full week trying to convince hubby to come with me. After all...we had not been away together in over 4 years and it was my b-day and everything was paid for. He came up with a zillion reasons why he couldn't go. However he did convince me to go to Edmonton and spend it with my family. I finally consented to 1 week and he insisted on 2. While there my Dr. called and informed me that my mammogram had come back abnormal and there were 2 lumps. I called hubby while in tears and he was not to comforting or concerned. It would be another 3.5 weeks before I could see a specialist in Vancouver for a diagnostic, an ultrasound and possible surgery. Was hubby interested in going with me? Of course not. In fact he would not even talk to me about it and I was scared to death. He did however 4 nights before I left spend 5 hours over at his drunk friends house who had some problems that he had to talk out. I learned to doubt that he spent 5 hours there. Also upon my return from Edmonton..well a week later..and you women will get where I am coming from....I was changing the sheets on the bed when I realized the mattress had been turned. I asked him about it and he said he always turns it when he changes the sheets. LIAR. Also, because of his now really odd behaviour I went into his wallet and found a phone number. It is the number of the admin clerk's mother in Halifax. I still have it in my memory. He was more and more aloof and now was coming home later and finding reasons to be out all the time. Oh 1 more thing. The night before I flew home he tld me to call him at 5:30am to wake him up. I culd not reach him till I in Vancouver for 3 hours. 6 full hours after he wanted to be called. He said he never heard the phone. The neighbours can hear our phones.
October
I go to Vancouver for the boob thing. Turns out to be fluid filed cysts. Am away from home for 2 nights. Wonderful for him. Was he happy for me? No idea. He is now acting like a man trying very hard to hide something and doing a lousy job of it. His lies make no sense. I find out I am being sent away again for tests on my abdomen. 29 years of being in pain and they finaly are going to look into it. Unfortunately for him he has to go with me.
November
November 2nd to be exact he tells me he wants a divorce. Right out of the blue. November 6th we are on the ferry heading out for my appt. 11am on the ferry ...land at 5:30pm and reach Terrace and the hotel at 8pm. Next morning at 9am I am at the hospital. Takes 1 hour and a lot of embarrassment. He buys us each cell phones as we finaly got service on the island this summer. He also buys us each stereo chairs. He holds my hand when we go out and sleeps in the same bed as me. Back on the ferry on the 9th at 1pm only to find out once everyone is boarded that we will be in dock till the morning. He calls to let work know he won't be in the next day. Guess who he says is the only person he could reach? Yep. The admin clerk. We get home on the 10th at 5:30pm. He unpacks the car and gets in the shower. At 7pm he is all dressed up and says he is going to the mess. I ask if I can go too and he replies thathe will call and let me know what is happening. He comes in at 5:30am. By now I know what I know. What he doesn't know is that I found a thank you note from the admin clerk. Written Sept. 19th thanking him for supper. He had her here on my b-day weekend. Couldn't go to Vancouver with me nooooooo. I go over to my friend's house. She and her hubby just happen to be the managers of the bar where the admin slut works Friday and Saturday nights. I say lets go over and I will buy a drink...cause I want to see her. So we go. I introduce myself and oh my what a good little actress she is. 2 nights later hubby showers , gets all dressed up again, puts on the expensive cologne I bought him and goes out coming in at 2am. Now this is totally abnormal behaviour for him. Nov. 17th slut is heading out on a trip to France ..planned months before. Guess who drove her to the airport? Yep. Guess who was asked to watch her house and her 4 cats? Yep. Guess who hates cats and used to trap them, take them in our garage in the trap, spray them with freeon and then shoot them? Yep. I call the cell phone company with a list of questions hubby has. Turns out I can go online and see all the calls made which do not show up on the paper bill sent in the mail. WOW!!!! Lots of late night calls to her. He has a fit ...he also does not know how to access the online info. Guess who picks her up when she returns from France? Yep. So now I start talking. He denies and actually had the gaul to say that he would never ever do anything like that to me. That he wants a divorce because we don't get along. Fine with me. He is a horses ass anyway. Rude, bigoted, emotionaly abusive, physically at times and just plain mean. Of course out of the house he is someone else. Anyway...he says that he had told me when we got married ...and really at that point why would you say it.....that if either one of us ever became interested in someone else we would tell the other and not lie about it. What a joke. I talk to my daughter about what is going on because at this point I think I am nuts. Also at this point I have not eaten in 11 days, am barely getting 1 glass of water in me a day and am falling apart. She calls him at work. The conversation is as follows.
Daughter: Hi there
Jerk: Hi
Daughter: Do you know how much stress Mom s under
Jerk: Yep
Daughter: Do you know she has stopped eating and drinking?
Jerk: Yep
Daughter: Well she is going to end up in the hospital
Jerk: Yep
Daughter: Well I guess I would be pretty stressed too if my husband was f*****g a co-worker
He is home within 10 minutes. Starts yelling at me and throwing the cell phone down. I tell him I never said he was f*****g the clerk and that Daughter let herself get too loose. (no she didn't) He goes on and on about how nothing is happening and actually has me believe him. But.......then he tells me I am going o Edmonton for the whole month of December. I say no. He says yes. I say no. He gets madder.
December
He is still trying to get me to go. I have long since told him I don't want a divorce. I find out from my friend that slut is not sure if she will be here for xmas or not. He is coming home late every night. Now the new cell bill is online. Hmmmmm he called her 2 nights before she left for France and at the hotel in Vancouver the day she left here. Now I am pissed. I question him and of course he gets mad. His excuse is that she had left a note on the table asking him to call her so she could ask a favor. Uh huh. Now...the night before he was at her place for 45 minutes to find out how to feed the cats....45 minutes. He actually picked her up ather place and drove her to the airport. But...she had to leave a note? Yes jerk I am just that stupid that I believe you. No wonder he flipped when he found out I could see all the calls made online. He actually stands there and tells me that if he was going to call her he would just do it from her home phone. Idiot. Dec. 20th I be a good little wife and make up goodie bags for the military people of which on that date there were only 4 in town plus my jerk. I deliver 2 to Rob's because I don't know where Yvon lives and 2 to sluts because I don't know where Steve is. I ask if she is going away for xmas and she says yes , she booked a trip a few days before. Okay good. Sometimes baking pays off though I wish I had thought to put exlax in her rum truffles. And again guess who is looking after the cats? Yep. Here is the good part. He got home real late and when I asked why he said he had to go for a ride because he knew I would be upset over the cat sitting and didn't know how to tell me. What a crock. Dec 24th she is leaving and is driving herself to the airport but gee for some reason he suddenly has to go to the store at 10am. She must leave by 11am to catch the ferry. Xmas day he opens all the gifts I got for him. I get a card with money in it. The card says to my beautiful wife...I will love you always. barf. That night when he goes to feed the cats which by the way sometimes he would skip for 2 or 3 days.....he is gone for 1 hour. Had to call I guess. Now On Dec. 30 he went "hunting". What he doesn't know is that I leftthe house to go to the post office and had to drive by the circle she lives in. I saw him carrying in packages. That night I went through his wallet and coat pockets and found 3 receipts for gifts totalling 200.00. On Wednesday Jan 3rd I was on my wayto an apt and he was parked at her house. Okay...so enough. I get home and asked him where he was when I called him. He says "You know where I was" I had to return her keys. The keys were returned the day she came back which was new years. I asked him what he bought her for xmas and he looked at me like I was nuts. I told him I have the receipts and he denied it all. Can you even believe that. He denied it. I told him someone had spken to me that he had ought to remember this is a very small town and secrets do not stay secrets for long. I know her pet name for him. I know he tells her she is the love of his life. These are things I have not yet mentioned to him.
I told him to be a man for once and finally admit to his affair. He just denied it.
Now...I know the reason he won't admit it is because she is military and I can go to the detachment commander and demand she be re-posted. That is something I am planning to do. I am also planning to pay her a little visit and let her know that I am not stupid and oh by the way....this man who is so in love with you..the father of 3 and grandfather of 6.....my husband......is having sex with me constantly...and during it teling me how beautiful I am.
Wonder what she'll think?
|
|
|
