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September 28 Well HellThis is what happens you see.
You live on an island for 15.5 years. You see tons of doctors and rarely the same one and so you hardly ever get the results or attention you need. You finally see a dr who books you with a gastro guy in THE BIG CITY and you fly down for your appointment. He asks about 5 questions and then presses very hard on your abdomen until the pain that is already bowling you over has you at the point of wanting to pass out and he then says......and I quote..."I don't think there is anything wrong but I will schedule you for a barium enema". Oh joy!!! Oh fun!!!! Can I have the strawberry flavour please?
But.....before venturing off to THE BIG CITY to see the gastro guy you have your yearly mammogram because after all you just love how that feels. You wait for the good results to be mailed to you and ask your spouse each day if the info has arrived only to be told no. Then, 16 days after the pancake pleasure trip you get a call at your Mother's home from your Dr telling you that the screening of your left breast came back as abnormal and you have 3 red zones (never heard of that). You feel sick and realize that for about 6 months you have just known something was wrong in there and listen as he tells you that your will be sent to THE BIG CITY for another mammogram and an ultrasound. And yes...they will try to schedule the strawberry flavoured barium enema for the same day. Oh happy, lucky me.
Then....the next day...today.....you find out that you can get all 3 done in Terrace on Nov. 8th or get the boob stuff done within a week in Vancouver and the strawberry event in Terrace in Nov. Gee......let me think...what should I do? Stupid receptionist. So I will be flying home from Edmonton on Saturday and will be going back to Vancouver within the next week to week and a half.
What a month. I turned 50 almost 2 weeks ago......got lousy news from medical people. Gained 4 pounds and found some grey hairs.
But, I also got to see all of my family. Spent some wonderful moments with my daughter and her kids. I have spent actual time with my son...in fact that is where I am right now...he has a pc thankfully. I have enjoyed the time with my son immensely. My Dad was at my birthday supper which was terrific even though the battery in his hearing aid went kaput and I had to use my own version of sign language. I did get to spend the afternoon with him 3 days ago and we went for supper. While in Vancouver to see the gastro guy my grand-daughter decided to spend the night and the next day with me and that was glorious as I rarely get to see her at all.
So.....even if I get bad news after the next set of tests....I have had some wonderful moments this month.
Now I get to go home to a man who doesn't pay me any heed. It will be interesting (not the word I want but the one that popped into my head) to see how he handles this boob thing.
September 12 FlyingOn Thursday I am flying out again. Off to Vancouver to see the Doctor. That is what happens when you live on an island way up North....you get to spend money on plane tickets and hotels so that you can see the real doctors elsewhere. This is one I have waited 29 years to see. At long last someone listened to me about my pain and booked me with an internist. I was also asked if I was willing to have tubes inserted from either end. A test I believe to see if I am really in pain or if I just want to shop. I told him I am willing to walk all over the city dragging tubes if the end result means that they find out what is wrong with my abdomen. I get a night in a hotel all by myself. No husband ignoring me....no fish to feed....no barking dogs. Just me a bubble bath and the T.V..
I also, and here is the best part...get to see my 5 year old grand-daughter and my ex daughter-in-law. They now live in Vancouver and so I rarely see them. After my appt. on Friday we will go out for supper and then they will drive me to the airport because...I am catching a 9pm flight to EDMONTON. YES YES YES.
See, Saturday is my birthday and 1 year ago I told my husband that I did not want to spend it here. Since he has done nothing in the way of making plans for that and quite frankly has not done anything in this marriage for months I had given up on that idea. Then I got the call about the appt. I asked him to go to Van with me for the weekend and my Mom even offerred to pay for his ticket as my b-day gift. He came up with about 33 reasons why he couldn't/wouldn't go. So, I am going back home and will spend it with my family. Mom is having a bday supper for me with everyone there , even my Dad. That is the unbelievable part as Mom and Dad have not been in the same room in 27 years except for funerals and weddings. I wonder what this falls under?
And...while I am there I am going to be looking into jobs and schooling. A marriage that has only 1 person actually trying to make it work is not a marriage. For far too long I have tried everything I can think of to get my husband to talk and his response is always to yell, swear or say he is too tired. I out and out told him I can't keep doing this and he said NOTHING!
On Saturday I turn 50. My husband does not love me and never did. I am still young enough to start again right? Scared enough to question it. Calm enough about my thoughts to persue them. Excited enough about maybe finally having an actual life and being able to be me again rather then hide myself in fear of his anger.
50 the new 35. |
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