Been a long time I know. I have gone through an assortment of emotions ranging from wanting to hit him over the head with something hard and hide the body in the woods to getting on my knees begging him to love me.

I am now at the point of "screw him". I am ready to go. Have  spent the last 2 weeks packing and cleaning. I know....I know....why are you cleaning the  house Nicole? Why did I get on my knees and beg?

We are officially seperated. I filed the papers May 15th and he was some ticked off. Have not been able to figure that one out. He now owns the house and the nice new huge mortgage and I own the car and a not huge but enough to get by on for a year or so amount of money. We...get this....sleep in the same bed. He is home every night and has gained about 35 pounds. I think he got dumped by her. It would never have lasted anyway but it gives me a little happy feeling to know he got hurt.

Once I am moved and back in Edmonton I will start to write again. Looking forward to good times with my kids and grandkids and not so good times with my Mom who is already opening my re-routed mail and telling me how to live.

 

I am okay....much better then even 2 months ago. I am gonna be just fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I haven't blogged in sometime and even when I did it was just song lyrics. I realized about 6 months ago that there are some drastic changes needed to be made in my world or it will all come crashing down on me once again. That said....knowing and doing are 2 very different things. I am in the process of sorting through a thousand emotions and scenarios as to when, how and if I should proceed or should I just let things be as they are and have been for 15 years. I went away, back to the city for a few weeks and upon my return I was filled with immediate regret. Not for having gone...for returning. My mind living in its little fantasy world imagined a loving homecoming. That I would be told I was missed...I would be held maybe even kissed. Instead all was as all is. Stupid me...after all I was  2 weeks into my trip and could not wear short sleeves in the scorching heat because the bruises were still showing.

 

 

 

 

Hey Miss Murder, can I
Hey Miss Murder, can I
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?

Woah

With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him.
Simply a look can break your heart.

The stars that pierce the sky;
He left them all behind.
We’re left to wonder why
He left us all behind.

[Chorus]

Dreams of his crash won’t pass
Oh, how they all adored him.
Beauty will last when spiraled down.

The stars that mystified
He left them all behind.
And how his children cry
He left us all behind.

[Chorus]

What's the hook,the twist within this verbose mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it that the ghost you love. Your ray of light will fizzle out without hope.
We're the empty set just flowing through, wrapped in skin, ever
searching for what we were promised..
Reaching for that golden ring we'd never let go...
But who would ever let us put their filthy hands upon it?
[Chorus x2]

 

 

You know he's not the one for you but that's no fault of mine.
He knows that I'm a friend of yours but doesn't know I've crossed the line.
I know you've got a man in the picture but it hasn't stopped me yet.
We've all been in one situation or another we regret.

Now I'm the other man, no one's rootin for me.
If I'm the other man, nature will abhorr me.

You know I want to keep my distance, does it happen anyway?
He knows you're going to drift apart and there's nothing he can say.
I know that he's a stand-up guy, but that's none of my concern.
We've all been in one situation or another, it's my turn.

To be the other man, no one sympathises,
When you're the other man that everyone despises.

He's going to find out that the rumours are true.
The love that I've still unbeknownst to you.
He'll found out so I'll tell you because,
You gotta find out before he does.

I know you've got a man in the picture but it hasn't stopped me yet.
We've all been in one situation or another we regret.

Now I'm the other man. No one's rootin for me.
If I'm the other man, nature will abhorr me.
Yeah, no one sympathises,
When you're the other man, that everyone despises.

Yeah, yeah,
We've all been in one situation or another,
We've all been in one situation or another,
We've all been in one situation or another.

It's been quite some time since I was in my own space never mind having a chance to read spaces of spacers I like to space with. Say it 6 times fast.

 

Hubby has been on stress leave for 3 weeks now and has 1 more week to go unless his Dr. says otherwise on the 25th of this month. Sooooo...being as he knows nothing about my space and being as how my every single movement is watched and questioned, I felt it would be easier to stay away till he has returned to work. At that time I will semi-explain the problem that brought about the 4 week leave. Semi because he does work for the military and there are only so many things I am allowed to know. I know more than I should but less then the whole truth.

 

I will say this much right now however. I am utterly amazed at the incompetence of a certain military member who let a pseudo title go straight to his pea sized, not quite ready for prime time brain and uses his so called power to disrupt and injure the lives of the men and woman (1) that he is supposedly in charge of. A pox on you husband of Donkey Woman.

 

More to come.

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....

 

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

 

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

 

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

 

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

 

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

 

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

 

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

 

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

 

10. Is there another word for synonym?

 

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

 

12. What you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start speaking?

 

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

 

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

 

21 . What was the best thing before sliced bread?

 

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

 

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

 

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

 

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

 

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

 

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

 

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

 

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

 

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

 

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

 

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

 

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

My tail-less dog...my supposed to be no more then 15 pound shitzu/lapso cross weighs about 35 pounds now. I almost put my back out lifting him today and in fact did so 2 weeks ago. Why is he so heavy? I don't know. I mean that accidental?????? amputation of his tail should have knocked a few ounces off of him but noooooooo...he has gotten heavier. He gets 1 cup of kibbles a day at 5pm and he only gets pieces of carrot for treats now. He has been on thyroid pills since October19th because he gained 5 pounds in 1 month but still he gets heavier. I am stopping his pills because geez what good are they doing him? I am wondering if he sneaks into the fridge at night. The pantry? Does he call for take out pizza? Chinese? Impossible as they both close at 9pm and I am still awake then and nobody in their right mind...not even a dog with no tail would eat pizza from there.  It is 2:30am right now as I sit here typing this. At 2am he went out to pee. This is an everynight occurance.

 

"I will wait  till they are sound asleep and then cry to go out. Then I am going to sit  in the middle of that huge backyard while she stands at the door calling my name trying to get me to come on again. I will ignore her till she is so frustrated that she actually puts on her shoes and tromps out to the middle of the yard in her pj's.... picks me up and carries me to the stairs. Then when she puts me on the bottom step I will sit like the solid mass that I am, forcing her to boost me up to the house 1 step at a time"

 

 Every freaking night!!!!!!! Except that this time we got to the 3rd step from the top and he fell through the side. He was okay...lots of padding. I was hoping no late nighters were watching as I ran back down the steps and picked him up again. Tomorrow night the process shall repeat itself. I am thinking I should tie a rope onto a collar...put it on him when he goes out and then instead of stupidly going out in the dark to get him I could just reel him in like a fat fish.

 

I do love my doggie..he is my baby and has been for 7 years now but man he sure knows how to piss me off in the middle of the night.

Got up Friday to sunshine, by 1 pm the hail was falling like it would never end.

Half an hour later snow snow snow. Then the rain started..for 10 minutes till the hail took over again. This kept up all day and into the night. Therefore Saturday was a repeat of the day before just in case, you know you had been hungover and missed it all.

 Sunday was the day for fools. Fools being those who believed the worst was over.

But.............................Monday...................................

The winds were howling.........the rain was coming down so hard you couldn't see outside.  A storm was a brewing. Time to start a fire in the hole in the wall and hunker down waiting for the moment to come when all candles had to be lit in order to see. It never came.  Electricity loves a good storm. However.....................scallops do not. Therefore my freezer is the proud owner of well over 100 scallops picked fresh off of a beach (not by me of course...too cold). Gotta love a good storm.

Tuesday.....gorgeous weather. Sunshining...not even a breeze....and the power went out everywhere.

Go figure

Hubby has taken a week off and since he hated that I ever had a blog in the first place and knows nothing about this ones existance....I really can't do anything till he goes back to work on Wednesday.  Lots has been happening though.    From my original space   August 2005

August 20 February 1999........The Beginning Of It On February 23/1999 my hubby and I picked up a puppy from our friend's house. There were 5 of them and we had picked out the smallest one 3 weeks before.  He was the cutest little ball of nothingness and I fell in love with him as soon as I held him. I handed over the $200.00 wrapped him a a teeny bit of a blanket and we left for home...3 minutes later we arrived. (Small town) I phoned our 5 year old eldest grandchild (1 of 2 at the time and now 1 of 6) and asked him what we should name "his" new puppy. "Rollie" he exclaimed happy as could be. Inside of my head a voice went "UGH" as that was the name of my best friend's husband, the scummiest, most perverted jack-ass I had ever met. "He doesn't look like a Rollie honey" I said. "Well then, what does he look like Mamma?" "Well he is all white except for both of his ears which are black and a tiny spot on his back that is also black".  "I want to call him Mickey then just like Mickey Mouse's black ears!!!!!"  I told him that was a perfect name and so the pup was given a name and a new master who lived 1,000 miles away.   (That tiny pup is now 6 1/2 has 2 black ears and a black eye and 2 black bits of hair on his back. He is also now 25 bloody pounds of DOG!!!!) Little Shitzu my behind!   That first night Mickey was put into a little bed of his own on the floor beside the bed of my hubby and I. An hour later he bacame the 3rd being asleep in the big bed. The tiny cries of a pup missing his Mom were just too much for my heart to bear. On February 28/1999 he became and to this day is still 1 of 2 beings who sleep in that bed. (well there are 2 more but that comes at the end of this)   My husband had been deer hunting the week before and the carcass (sorry tummies) had been hanging in the garage since he had done whatever it is hunters do to the game they get. Feb. 28th was the day to cut wrap and freeze it all. My job was to take all wrapped meat down to the freezer as I could not and still cannot look at it prior to the wrapping. The stairs leading to the basement did not have a handrail, something I had been asking for since we had moved in a few years earlier. My arms were loaded with paper wrapped tenderloin and I could not see over the top. I began my slow decent down the stairs counting each step. I miscounted however and when I thought I was at the last step I was really still 2 steps up. Yep, you're right. I put my foot out expecting it to lightly touch down onto the basement floor, instead........and this is really just what we figure happened since it took a split second..... all I heard was the sound of my arms hitting the cement and then my legs slamming down 1 after the other and the snapping noises........there was a bang and me letting out one hell of a scream. My husband who was heading out the front door to return to the garage and wrap more meat assumed I had seen a spider...they are huge here so a scream is justified.......until he heard the second pain filled scream. He came running and was down the stairs and at my side just as I was attempting to turn myself over. "What the F*** happened?" he yelled. "I fell" I whispered as he tends to have a pretty bad temper and I really didn't know what had happened. Somehow my arms had not been shattered, and by the grace of God my skull had just missed a 3 inch thick steel support post that runs from the floor to the ceiling.  I lay there my head resting by the post and told him to give me a minute or two and then I would get up and put the meat in the freezer. Of course he could see what I could not. One awkward looking leg and one very mis-shapen foot. "I'm taking you to the hospital" he yelled. The man always yells when something out of place happens , as though yelling makes the words have a different meaning. "I'll be fine just give me a few minutes here... let me sleep for a second"  OH OH. Not a good sign. So he began yelling more and my eyes  decided they wanted to inspect the back of my skull as they kept rolling in that direction freaking him out all the more. For the life of me I did not understand why he didn't just go upstairs and back to the garage and leave me alone to take care of the meat. Then the passing out began. He said to sit still (huh?) and he would call an ambulance. Well other then the fact that my legs were pure pain like I had never felt before other then when giving birth I saw no reason for an ambulance and told him so. Then I passed out again. Finally after listening to the insane screams of my hubby I agreed to go the hospital but not in an ambulance. For I was damned that anyone I knew was going to come into my house down those stairs and see me splayed out like a broken doll. I also refused to let him carry me. So, somehow I got onto my knees and crawled up the stairs and to the front door. Then I went down the front stairs on my bum but I knew I could not stand. Still I refused to let him carry me. By now I knew that something was not right because when I was oh so slowly bumming my way down the steps I had noticed that my legs were really quite large. My hubby grabbed a shovel and hitting it on the cement broke the shovelling portion off and gave it to me to use as a cane. (What a waste of a shovel as he had 2 canes in the house) I got up....yes I did.... and I walked to the truck. He helped me climb in but I still have no concept of how. Then we were gone, racing to the hospital 6 blocks away. He ran in, came out with a wheelchair and somehow got me into it and wheeled me inside. Here is where it gets insanely funny.   Now this was a Sunday okay? We live in a small town of about 1000 and there is no Dr at the hospital on weekends unless one is called in for an emergency. So Dr. P was called. In the meantime the 2 nurses started asking me questions. "What happened" "I fell" Does it hurt" "Well yes actually is sort of does" Then they offered me a pain killer and started to go through a list of them. they were about to inject me with Codeine when my husband said "Geez, look at the front of her chart!!!" CODEINE ALLERGY in big red letters. Codeine actually makes me dizzy as all heck and then I pass out for awhile which would have been just fine with me to be quite honest. "How about Demerol?" said Nurse Betty. (and yes that is her real name) "I smiled and told them Demerol would be lovely. So,they stuck a needle full into me and within 5 seconds I was still in pain but really didn't care. Within 10 seconds my entire body was numb. The Dr appeared and they started to cut off my pants still asking questions  with me looking at my husband  trying to send the answers to him by telepathy since I was no longer capable of speech. Now the really fun part.   Dr. P looked at my legs and said "Well, I am afraid you will have to come back tomorrow as we do not do x-rays on weekends" My voice was back and I said "Okay" and smiled quite stonily prepared to go home and return the next day. My husband however.......looked at him and said *&%$*&^%#@$%^*****$##%&*  The x-ray tech was there within 5 minutes. By the time I was wheeled into x-ray the Demerol was not so strong anymore and I was fully aware of what had happened to me and was in wretched agony. I cried like a baby and so they gave hubby a lead apron to put on in order that he could stay with me while the pics were taken. 10 minutes later we were being told by the Dr and the tech that my right leg was broken and my left foot was busted up in 5 places. Miraculously my arms were not injured at all....this was something I was extremely grateful for within a couple of days......and my skull was just fine. I didn't say my brain I said my skull. Now began the process of sticking casts on my legs. I lay there as the right leg was being plastered. My left foot and leg were screaming and not just because the foot was busted up. Nurse Betty had decided to use that leg as leverage while helping the Dr. with the job of turning my right leg into a wall.  Now I am a nice person and never want to create a scene and felt badly that those poor medical people had to actually do their job on a Sunday but, after 4 minutes of it I could take no more. "Betty" I said quietly. "Betty" I said a bit louder. "BETTY" I said a little louder then my normal voice. "Yes" she asked looking over her shoulder at me which caused her to bear her weight down on my leg a little bit more. "You are leaning on my leg" said I like a mouse. Looking down at her arm she said "Oh" and lifted her weight off of me. The next 15 minutes were just no fun as they moved my leg and then my foot around to suit their needs. Once both casts were on ...and both were from the toes to just over the knees they looked at my hubby and I and said "Okay, you can go home now" and they all left the room.   WHAT!!!!! But how? I hurt and I am a stick person now. We came in a truck. Do I lay in the back of it hoping birds do not use me as a toilet? What the hell !!!!! Hubby asked if I would be ok alone for a minute while he talked to the nurses as the Dr had immediately gone home. I whimpered "Ok"  Apparantly he went back and asked what he was supposed to do with me. They offered to let me stay the night but told him he could not be with me. Forget that plan. He ended up racing to his parent's home and returning with his Dad and their van. Somehow they got me into a wheelchair...into the back of the van...back into the wheelchair and up the front steps of the house and then into my afore mentioned bed. This was home for the next 12 weeks. Me and Mickey bonding. Me and bedpans. Me crying as my husband gave me sponge baths. Him making meals for me and bringing me pain meds. Me falling down in the hall one day when he got stuck at work for more then 3 hours and had not left the bedpan with me. I  maneuvered my butt to the end of the bed and slid into the wheelchair...wheeled myself out to the hallway...figured I could get up and walk on the casts as they had been on for 3 weeks by then. .....standing up for less then a second and falling right down. I laid there for 10 minutes trying to get back into the chair but couldn't as it kept moving and I could not reach the brake. Fanally I got it against a wall and with a lot of tears and muscles that I didn't know I had I got into it. But, I still had to pee. He came home an hour later to find me sitting there in pain and with a bladder ready to burst. "Please never take the bedpan away again" I cried. And he didn't.   So, eventually the casts came off. First the right and 3 weeks later the left. (Both times they managed to cut into my skin causing bleeding) 1 week after each removal I got a call from the hospital telling me to be careful because the breaks had not yet healed. 6 1/2 years later the foot is still with broken bones and I have since broken 2 toes on that foot and the muscles are all torn up causing me to limp with each step.   I learned how to walk again and a handrail was put up going down the stairway. I still lean against it whether I have laden down arms or not. My hubby who moved into the guest room when I broke my bones still resides there which is sometimes a blessing as I can hear him snoring from down the hall. We now have 3 dogs who all are under the misguided belief that my bed belongs to them and I just rent a small spot each night.   AND   I refuse to carry deer meat downstairs to the freezer.   And That was only the beginning